People Who Don't Have Facebook

People who don't have facebook are so smart.

They have become a novelty.  Unlike the other 757 people you went to preschool, grade school, high school, undergrad, grad school, worked with at your first job, worked with at your second job, worked with at your 82nd job, used to live around the corner from, used to hang out at the same bar as, used to hang out at the same bar as, dated your friend, friend of someone you dated, and anyone else whose last name you've ever learned.... You DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE UP TO.

On Sunday, I went to my church for the first time in years.  I saw from across the church that one of my grade school friends was pregnant!  I was so intrigued.  I knew she had gotten married sometime in the past two years, but unlike virtually everyone else I went to St. Monica's with, I hadn't seen her sonogram pictures, heard when she changed to maternity clothes, or congratulated her right away (In fact I still haven't since I didn't catch her after church.)

But I was so excited for her!  And that was partly because we were always good friends but also just because I didn't already know.

The same phenomenon was present when I ran into another neighborhood friend's parents at a Communion party and found out she was recently married, or ran into a preschool friend and got to meet her preschool aged kids!   It was so much better than just another bride or baby on my news feed.

Oh, facebook.  It connects us with people we have no business still talking to.  Sometimes it can be really nice!  Friends you want to keep in touch with but haven't always got the time after work, home, and keeping up even minimal contacts with family and inner circle members.  Facebook is really a blessing!

But the people you NEVER comment on, silently exchange "likes" with, and whose business you may even possibly share with whichever of your close friends/family members know/remember them, too-- occasionally in a mean-spirited way (hmmm? come on, you do it).

WHY ARE WE FRIENDS WITH THOSE PEOPLE?

Morbid curiosity?  They aren't actually our "friends"-- some of them were even frenemies or enemies when they were actively in your life at school, work, or the club.  And some of them we barely know at all, but they have a baby with the sister of your brother's girl, or whatever -- and yet we know allllllllll their business.  And odds are, they are possibly sharing your business with whichever or their family members or friends remembers you - occasionally in a mean-spirited way.

One of my friends has a policy about these people.  It's very brazen - she deletes them! Or just doesn't even accept them!  It's so brave.  I will delete maybe 4 people per year.  And probably add 60 or 70!   What is the world coming to?

Another of my friends recently reinstated her facebook after over a year.  She periodically comes back, says hello to everyone, and deletes again.  And everyone is so excited to see her!  Just like I was excited about the childhood-friend-pregnancy I discovered in church.  Because they have the secret: not having a facebook makes you mysterious.  It makes you in demand.  It makes you magical.

I could never have the self-discipline to not have a facebook, and anyway, I don't want to.  I have entirely too many friends to stay in touch with all of them individually.  But why keep the rest of them? I know I won't delete them and I know this whole society is ridiculously unlike anything it was when we were teenagers, college even.  But I am kind of loving it!  Is that wrong?

But for those of you who have figured IT out, and know that having no facebook, or even a rarely updated facebook or occasionally reinstated facebook, is totally ingenious,  you, my friends, are the new cool kids.

And the rest of us are computer geeks.